Review of "The Twilight Saga: Eclipse"
Bella can't wait to be dead. At this point, a lot of people may start hoping she gets her wish.
Not that "The Twilight Saga: Eclipse," now invoking the shrieks of teen girls in a theater near you, is any worse than its two absurdly successful predecessors. In fact there's a lot more action and humor in this third installment of the vampire franchise, and chuckles and beheadings are good things.
But the movie still mostly consists of long mooning of romantic indecision as our flesh-and-blood teen heroine Bella (Kristen Stewart) fends off the advances of hunky werewolf suitor Jacob (Taylor Lautner) while trying to convince her true love, vampire Edward (Robert Pattinson), to pin her with his fangs so they can live (or not live) together eternally.
To say this adolescent love triangle is getting draining is to understate. It became draining three-quarters of the way through the second film, "New Moon." By now it's absolutely smothering.
But then, long mooning moments of romantic indecision are the essence of the "Twilight" phenom; as deadly dull and repetitive as they may seem to some, they are the drug that keeps the Twi-masses coming back for more. This is virginal, unrequited love, burning all the brighter for its constant state of frustration.
The Herculean task of those involved in the "Twilight" films is to surround this static syrupy center with incidents that make it seem as if the story is going somewhere. All without breaking into laughter onscreen at the ridiculous dialogue and 'tween emotional angst.
This time around, the chief distraction is an army of vampires being built in Seattle -- at least they have access to good coffee -- by the evil, red-tressed Victoria (Bryce Dallas Howard, who admittedly looks stunning with fangs).
To fend off said army, the goodly vampire Cullen family teams up with the neighboring Native American natural-enemy werewolf clan to protect the object of Victoria's interest, namely Bella.
To have written the previous paragraph two decades ago would have been an invitation to a mental health spa, but these days are there any teenage girls who aren't dating vampires while petting a werewolf on the side?
At least all this gives the film an ending worth moving toward, even if the moving is painfully slow at times. Vampires fighting vampires, with wolves thrown in for fun: Watch the fur fly.
The true heroine of the "Twilight" series may well be screenwriter Melissa Rosenberg (TV's "Dexter"). While directors have come and gone -- this film is ably handled by David Slade -- Rosenberg has plodded through the entirety of Stephenie Meyer's bloated novels and, for good or evil, faithfully and accurately transferred their essence to the screen.
Braver still, though, is the acting corps battling through all this ennui on the way to movie stardom. Kristen Stewart may be one of the most promising actresses of her generation or she may be trapped in amber forever as the drippy but inexplicably ultra-desirable Bella.
Robert Pattinson has a sly style onscreen, but will he survive being Edward Cullen? And while Taylor Lautner seems happy to be defined by his abs, will his squinting style forever inspire wolf howls?
They are all trapped within the phenomenon of "Twilight," and "Eclipse" will only further close the trap, leaving fans elated while the rest of the world looks on faintly stunned.
"Eclipse" is both the movie it intends to be and the movie its audience demands. What does it say, though, when true love requires fangs and fur?
Not that "The Twilight Saga: Eclipse," now invoking the shrieks of teen girls in a theater near you, is any worse than its two absurdly successful predecessors. In fact there's a lot more action and humor in this third installment of the vampire franchise, and chuckles and beheadings are good things.
But the movie still mostly consists of long mooning of romantic indecision as our flesh-and-blood teen heroine Bella (Kristen Stewart) fends off the advances of hunky werewolf suitor Jacob (Taylor Lautner) while trying to convince her true love, vampire Edward (Robert Pattinson), to pin her with his fangs so they can live (or not live) together eternally.
To say this adolescent love triangle is getting draining is to understate. It became draining three-quarters of the way through the second film, "New Moon." By now it's absolutely smothering.
But then, long mooning moments of romantic indecision are the essence of the "Twilight" phenom; as deadly dull and repetitive as they may seem to some, they are the drug that keeps the Twi-masses coming back for more. This is virginal, unrequited love, burning all the brighter for its constant state of frustration.
The Herculean task of those involved in the "Twilight" films is to surround this static syrupy center with incidents that make it seem as if the story is going somewhere. All without breaking into laughter onscreen at the ridiculous dialogue and 'tween emotional angst.
This time around, the chief distraction is an army of vampires being built in Seattle -- at least they have access to good coffee -- by the evil, red-tressed Victoria (Bryce Dallas Howard, who admittedly looks stunning with fangs).
To fend off said army, the goodly vampire Cullen family teams up with the neighboring Native American natural-enemy werewolf clan to protect the object of Victoria's interest, namely Bella.
To have written the previous paragraph two decades ago would have been an invitation to a mental health spa, but these days are there any teenage girls who aren't dating vampires while petting a werewolf on the side?
At least all this gives the film an ending worth moving toward, even if the moving is painfully slow at times. Vampires fighting vampires, with wolves thrown in for fun: Watch the fur fly.
The true heroine of the "Twilight" series may well be screenwriter Melissa Rosenberg (TV's "Dexter"). While directors have come and gone -- this film is ably handled by David Slade -- Rosenberg has plodded through the entirety of Stephenie Meyer's bloated novels and, for good or evil, faithfully and accurately transferred their essence to the screen.
Braver still, though, is the acting corps battling through all this ennui on the way to movie stardom. Kristen Stewart may be one of the most promising actresses of her generation or she may be trapped in amber forever as the drippy but inexplicably ultra-desirable Bella.
Robert Pattinson has a sly style onscreen, but will he survive being Edward Cullen? And while Taylor Lautner seems happy to be defined by his abs, will his squinting style forever inspire wolf howls?
They are all trapped within the phenomenon of "Twilight," and "Eclipse" will only further close the trap, leaving fans elated while the rest of the world looks on faintly stunned.
"Eclipse" is both the movie it intends to be and the movie its audience demands. What does it say, though, when true love requires fangs and fur?
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