Review of "Lord of the Dance in 3D"

Happy St. Patrick's Day. Don't go see "Lord of the Dance in 3D."

First off, the 3-D is terrible, absolutely the worst. Somehow it actually manages to make the production look one-dimensional, especially when the camera pulls back to capture the full width of the stage.

Beyond that the entire proceedings are dark and fuzzy. In truth, the only time you notice the "3-D" is when occasional cheesy animated designs shoot out. The rest of the time it just looks like a really poorly made film.

There's one other major problem, though. The dancing is so repetitious, it's headache inducing.

Realize this opinion comes from a guy who's so full-blooded Irish he bears a shamrock tattooed on one arm and a Celtic braid done in Dublin on the other.

But after watching star Michael Flatley dance the same essential steps for an hour, my reaction was: Really? That's all we've got?

Centuries of culture and all we've come up with is some tap-dance-jig stuff?

True, there's a story of sorts going on here. Some of the tap-dancing-jig folks are dressed in Gestapo black, others are in white. The Gestapo guys break the flute of some fairy dancer.

Then the white-dressed Mr. Flatley comes out and does tap-jig battle with the main Gestapo guy, and guess what? Good triumphs over evil.

Again: Really? That's all we've got?

All the repetitious dancing is accompanied by rock concert-type lighting and there's an elaborate stage set. This is probably quite stunning live. In awful 3-D it's not.

Every once in a while a couple of hot blonde female types break things up by having an electric violin fiddle-off. But then the fiddle-offs become repetitious as well.

Obviously there are many fans of this stuff, "Lord of the Dance" having played approximately two billion sold-out shows. But even fans are going to find the 3-D hard to fathom.

Meanwhile, non-fans are sure to be asking, when is that guy going to stop slamming his feet on the floor? And: Where's the Guinness?